I’ve been all sorts of flakey with the site lately, haven’t I?  For shame.

Well, ya know…MySpace put up that fancy new Profile Version 2.0 thing and I’ve found myself fully obsessed with that.  Plus, I have that whole boyfriend thing…which means I’m not always near a computer, seeing as how I am out enjoying his company.  Wows.  Andie with a boyfriend.  We all know how awesome I am at relationships!  In the immortal words of my father, “Oooooh.  This too, will end badly.  Maybe in a fatality.”

So you know, currently, all is fine there, though.  Quite fine, even.  Thanks for asking, fuckers.  Don’t you people give a shit about me anymore?

Let me ’splain to you bitches how awesome I am.  

So, today I had to see a client in Tacoma.  Yay.  Tacoma.  My favorite place on earth!  Or…the opposite of that.  Nonetheless…I was there, working on computers and doing a consult.  The boyfriend was at work and was not having an awesome day.  In part, because of yours truly.  So what does this cool bitch do?  I leave the job, run to the store, grab 2 cases of Red Bull (cause he likes the RB), and jaunt my perky ass up to Seattle, in the POURING FUCKING RAIN, mind you!…to bring sir some beverages.  That is how much ass I kick as a girlfriend.  Ask him.  He’ll tell you that I am awesome.

Moving on…

Gas prices are fabulous.  Aren’t you so glad?  Thank me.  I am absolutely POSITIVE that the reason they have come down is because I bitched just enough.  I am actually narcissistic enough to believe that.  Please…don’t kill my delusions.  My pops went over to Eastern Washington this past weekend and stopped in Moses Lake for some petrol.  $1.89.  WTF?!?!  Are you shitting me with this?  I might drive to Moses Lake just to get gas.  Sure, Ill burn a whole tank going…but its really all about the experience, is it not?

What else…what else?  

OH!  I had a great time in Los Angeles…again, thanks for asking you whores.  Unfortunately, I became quite ill on my return.  Poor James had to sleep with me that night where I had a temperature that, though I slept through it, concerned him enough to where he was contemplating a call to 911.  Freaky.  I have no idea what was wrong, but it lasted for a couple days.  Fuck being sick, man.  

Well, this is absolute total nonsense tonight…but it is a sign that I am getting back into the swing of my site.  Mayhaps you will see more from me in the coming days.  Alaska Airlines is BEGGING for a letter from me…those bitches.  (Seriously…LOVE Alaska Air…but they still need a bit of a tongue lashing by the likes of me.  No one is perfect.)  So, watch for that.

Much love, peace out, rock on, jam out with ya clams out…

Andie

So, I’m getting ready to leave for LA in a few hours here.  I’m going simply to see friends and get away from the grind for a few days.  That’s right, I said it…”the grind.”  You all know how much of a grind my life is!

So, I know I haven’t been blogging lately.  Real sorry about that.  Ive been busy tending to the needs of my social life and spending quite a bit of time off the island.  So, here is the news:

1) I paid the cell phone bill yesterday.  My cell bill is lofty, since there are two BlackBerrys on it.  BB’s have special data plans and whatnot, since they aren’t really “phones.”  To save face with this, I also have unlimited texting on the plans.  I’m a texting fool…but having a boyfriend does cause a significant jump in my usage.  This month, I used 2103 texts.  Previous reports show about 900 on average.

Now here is the thing.  My daughter…bless her texting soul…uses a bit more.  She averages about 4000 a month.  I have no beef with this, as I would prefer she use texts than minutes.  This month, however…and I am NOT exaggerating here, she used:  10213.  That’s right.  How the fuck?  Lets add up what this would have cost had I not had unlimited text:

AT&T charges $.20 per text for pay-per-text usage.  

$.20 x 10213 =  $2042.60

Are you fucking serious?  I would have gone through the roof over a bill like that.  I could buy a piece of shit car for that kind of money!

2) Ericka, Beth, Leo and I will be rolling LA.  This is awesome.  These were my besties in high school.  Beth and I have stayed in touch, Leo and I still hang out as frequently as possible…but Ericka…she moved to Hawaii after high school and I haven’t seen her since.  This is quite the treat for me.

And…my friend Rich and his lovely Diane might meet up with us, as well.

I hate LA and I was feeling bleh about it until I started thinking about the people I am going to be with.  I could be hanging out in a concentration camp with these people and still have a raging good time.

Well, I must shower and finish packing.  See you bitches next week.

If you even conceive of telling me otherwise, I’ll stab you. Aside from the obvious things that make boyfriends great, mine offers up a little something extra to tie the whole room together.

My man introduced me to…Frisky Dingo. This is truly the greatest shit on planet earth, next to Dicks burgers and keygens. I don’t want to start a craze or anything, so I’m not going to suggest this show to all my readers, but to the ones that are amused by intellectual jargon and high brow tactless humor, please check it out.

What floors me is that I didn’t know about it prior to James sharing it with me. Part of the problem is that I have the shittiest cable ever and we don’t get fancy stuff like Adult Swim. Nonetheless, given the fact that I am a total nerd and scour the internet for precisely such a thing as “Frisky Dingo,” I am a little disappointed in myself.

This is certainly not to say that James only stands out because of “Frisky Dingo,” though. That guy is the greatest for about every reason I could come up with. However, this particular little gem needs to be shared. The rest are just for me to enjoy.

I’m seriously typing this from my BlackBerry as I ride the ferry home. I probably should go now.

And I have some things to say…

Which I will get to promptly.

Many of you who peruse both this site and my MySpace (which, sorry!  Was private for a few days while I worked out an issue) have sent me your little emails and whatnot asking what the hell is the obsession with Half-Life 2.

To clarify, Half-Life is not new to me.  I’ve been a fan of this game for years and when the mood strikes me, I play like a mad woman.  This may, to some, seem a tad “geeky.”  To you, I say, “fuck off.”  I started playing video games on the PC when I was knee-high to a grasshopper.  Lets face it kids, I am a nerd.  I cannot help it.  So, berate me if you must, but while you’re doing this, bear the following in mind:

1) I have been working on computers since I was 5
2) I can literally, not figuratively, kick the shit out of 55% of the population.  Its more than likely that you are part of that percentage
3) There are worse things that being a computer nerd/gamer geek…I could be a brunette, for gawdsakes!
4) My IQ matches the skill set that  I have.  Narcissistic as I may be, it is not without justification.  I am smarter than you
5) My new man is hot…oh wait…that had nothing to do with any of this.  Apologies.

Anyways, in recent days, I have had the hankering to play Half-Life again with the veracity that I do.  Oddly, this comes at a time when I actually HAVE an active social life.  Normally, I would expect it to occur more during lulls in the fun times that are my life.  

I would like to point this out:  I only play Valve games.  It’s not like I’m into WOW or some shit.  Just the Valve ones, like the Half-Life series and CounterStrike.  This is my excuse.

When I picked up Seth on Saturday, I said, “Would you like to go to the Pacific Science Center?  Or, would you like to mow the lawn with the new tractor?”

Shocker:

Rollin' with the Hillbillies

Mowing Machine

Proud Hillbilly

This is the kid, who at 8, decided that he would like to be an “Astrophysicist” when he grows up.  Which reminds me, I always have a “Lynnie Said” post for your enjoyment, but I don’t recall making a “Sethy Said,” one.  This is strange, because pretty much every word that comes out of that kids mouth is damn hysterical.

I’ll compile such a blog.

This is the best shit EVER:

Shalom, motherscratchers!

Think I won’t?  Fuck man, a conference call with the fuckin MAN!  I am one special Jew to be invited to such a thing.  I’m sure no other Jews around here got this in their email.  I mean, not that there are a lot of other Jews hanging around here…nonetheless, this is the coolest shit ever.

One thing that concerns me:  I’m not sure how they got the skinny on my Jew-ish-ness.  I have a sticker on my car that says “Jewish Americans for McCain!” but it’s not like I signed up for the Jew Campaign notes.  Shit, I’m sure they have my FBI file or something.  I don’t give a damn.  I’ve got nothing to hide.  Well, nothing in the grand scheme of things that the FBI might actually care about, anyways.  Trust me, there are plenty of shameful tidbits of my past…But, I digress.

Fantastic.  I’ll let you all know how it goes.

In case you have not been following the news these days, I have a new man.  Oh yes, that is right.  As a recovering committaphobe, this is all very exciting.  As he and I were sitting at The Ram last night, we discussed many-a-thing.  We discovered these differences:

I drink, Man doesn’t (sXe reasons)
I love TOOL, Man doesn’t

That said, I would like to share two things that man has said that clinched the whole thing for me.  As you are all aware, I respect intellect…especially when it’s inate.  A vocabulary that goes beyond laymen is very much appreciated in the world of Andie.

“…well, you know…I wouldn’t want to upset your delicate sensibilities.”

“I know its not ideal, but I would be remiss not to suggest…”

First of all, MY DELICATE SENSIBILITIES?!?!  That is great not only because no one says shit like that, but because I don’t think I really have such sensibilities.  Apparently, however, he does.  And that fucking rocks.  And remiss?!?  Even I, with my fucking insane vocab, cannot pinpoint a single time I used the word “remiss” over something like negligent or foolish.

This is all very hot to me.  I’m burning up over the whole thing.

I am absolutely exhausted today and would very much like to go nap for awhile.  My brain is functioning at only half capacity and I believe this to be due to lack of sleep.  I have a laundry list of items that must be accomplished by days end, and I can’t begin to even dream of completion under this duress.  In addition to these around-the-house things that must be done, I have an upcoming blog about mistakes I have noticed in the world around me.  Its quite good, so stay tuned.  I will not even attempt to “go there” at this time, but I assure you, it will be grand.

I’ve seen some real shitty flicks in my day, and as a public service, I will tell you what they are, here on my blog, in an effort to help you never have to suffer through any of them.  They will be random, as I have no real curve, as it were, on measuring the crappiest vs. the least crappy.

1. PIRATES, 1986
This movie, if it can even really be called that, is the worst piece of shit ever.  In fact, its so horrifically bad that it actually is an inside joke in my family.  For example, just yesterday I said to my mom, “Ugh…I watched a terrible movie yesterday.”  The given Jacobsen reply is, “Not as bad as Pirates, I bet.”  I can’t recall entirely how this film creeped through our front door.  If I remember correctly at all, my uncle and his wife brought it over to one of our family dinners at our home in Seattle.  My uncle has a real knack for selecting movies.  A year or two ago I took the kids to dinner at his house.  He went to the video store to pick up movies for the kids and while meaning to select, “The March of the Penguins,” he instead grabbed, “The FARCE of the Penguins,” which is a pretty offensive film for little ones.  Though personally, I think that shit is funny. 

2) THE GOOD SHEPHERD, 2006
I know some of you are probably saying, “What?!?!  That’s a GREAT flick!”  Well, you’re wrong.  It sucked.  You tell me ONE THING that made that movie good, besides the cast, and I’ll flip you a ten spot.  Here is the list of reasons I have for making the suckage claim:  a) Matt Damon’s character says like 3 lines in the whole movie, yet he is the main character.  I guess he is supposed to be soft spoken and what not, but I had to turn the volume up every time he did say something.  b) Robert DeNiro was only in the movie for like 10 minutes.  He is the greatest actor of ALL TIME, yet, we see him for 10 minutes.  I felt robbed. c) Angelina Jolie.  I hate that whore.  Yeah, I said it.  Get down off the cross, bitch.  

3) ANYTHING WITH ADAM SANDLER
This is funny?  WTF?  Maybe I’m a comedy snob, but I loathe that slapstick bullshit.  Some of my friends and family like that “Spanglish,” joint.  I didn’t so much dislike it, as much as it bored the hell out of me.  But, at least it wasn’t stupid.  Now listen, one of my FAVORITE movies of all time is “Caddyshack.”  There is a RIGHT WAY of doing low brow comedy, and a WRONG WAY.  Bill Murray:  Right.   Adam Sandler:  Wrong.  Now you know.  This is not to say I do not like Adam Sandler.  I totally think he rocks.  I just hate his movies.  But his stand up and SNL stuff?  Comic Gold, baby.  There was a movie he did recently that I actually was touched by…it was a dramedy.  Oh yeah!  Punch-Drunk Love.  That was pretty good.

4) HOWARD THE DUCK, 1986
I don’t think this one requires any editorializing.  I think we can all pretty much agree on it.

5) GIGLI, 2003
Aside from the fact that I cannot stand Jennifer Lopez, this is still one of the shittiest flicks ever.  Admittedly, I’ve never made it through the whole thing.  It’s just to painful to watch.  I loved Ben Affleck prior to this film, and hated him for years later.  He has redeemed himself by being with that lovely Jennifer Garner and with that excellent movie, “Gone Baby Gone.”  But Gigli?!?!  WTF was this trainwreck all about?  Where I had to just turn the tv off?  How about that scene where JHo is trying to get Ben Affleck to…ahem…orally service her?  ”It’s turkey time!”, “Huh?”, “Gobble gobble!”  Gross.  Just fucking gross.  GAWD!  I just get so angry even thinking about this horrible film!

6) SHOWGIRLS, 1995
I absolutely adore Gina Gershon, and personally, I am glad that Elizabeth Berkley is redeeming herself with her newer ventures.  But this movie…this thing of nightmares?  I wish they could just take it back.

None of them were press worthy.  Although, on my second birthday, Conrad Hilton died.  You might better know him as Paris Hilton’s great grandfather.  Ten years before I was born, January 3, 1967, Jack Ruby died.  He was the fella who offed Lee Harvey Oswald.  And my personal Favorite:  January 3, 1903, Hitler’s dad bit it.